Day three in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.
We've been talking individual categories and for the record we have every intention of covering Album Of The Year before this thing is through, but the Grammys are about far more than the BIG FOUR categories.
There are, in fact, 108 total categories in this year's Grammys, about 99 of which will not be televised. It's much more important to watch David Spade purr at the Pussycat Dolls to "entice" people to watch his new (read: soon to be cancelled) show. Thanks, CBS! Regardless, 108 categories with 5 nominees means there are 540 nominees up for this year's batch of awards. Anyone who ever took a stats class or pregnancy tests bought from a 24 hour drugstore knows the odds of all 540 being right are 0.00000000000000000000147% or for you laymen out there, slim to none.
Consider today's edition of the Grammy countdown a new category: Worst Nomination For a Grammy. And the nominees are:
Janet - 20 Y.O. (Best Contemporary R&B Album) - If this record was one of six albums eligible for this award and one of them was of Vanilla Ice remixes, Rob Van Winkle would be my shoo-in for the fifth slot. It's hard for me to imagine anyone thinking this was one of the Best R&B albums of the year just because I can't see how anyone actually listened to the whole bloody mess. Beats from the half-off bin, and a mumbled coo drone on for about 40 minutes or until you click the "delete" button. Circa Rhythm Nation you couldn't help feeling Janet was the new Michael Jackson. Almost twenty years later, it's a less optimistic déjà vu.
Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu (Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal) - I'd like to congratulate NARAS for this category's title. The corresponding solo awards are Best Pop Male/Female Vocal Performance meaning that this award in theory has something to do with...what's the word? Oh yes, singing. Having studied copious amounts of Pussycat Dolls tape, (What? I'm dedicated to my craft like Peyton Manning) I don't think I've ever seen so many members of a vocal group who serve no purpose whatsoever. The Pussycat Dolls are great at what they do, I'm just not sure singing should be an important part of the description.
The Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal) - What was this? No, seriously, what the heck was this? I'll never accuse Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson of not being unable to sing, it's just that this single is a perfect example of what's happened to the Black Eyed Peas. At their worst, as here, they are crying-baby-on-a-14-hour-flight-annoying. For everyone who hates pop music, this song is your anthem. A perfect portrait of the genre at it's most mediocre. Nonsensical pop gibberish that could make everyone who's listened to it a fraction of an IQ point dumber.
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