Grammy Countdown - The Last Stand

THE FINAL day in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.

Album Of The Year

Dixie Chicks - Taking The Long Way
London has rarely been kind to country acts, but it also rarely scuttles careers. Internet downloading or no, Taking The Long Way has sold a third of the copies of its predecessor "Home." Fact is, though, this was no country album. Rooted in the songwriting and musical traditions of Nashville, yes, but built on the back of collaborations with Rick Rubin, Sheryl Crow and Semisonic's Dan Wilson. This is as much the sound of a band growing beyond its provincial roots, as it is a statement album for the Chicks and for Grammy voters. Instead of a meek act of contrition, the Chicks produced a defiant middle finger to middle America. Will Grammy reward their pluck, and more important their record? Despite their frontrunner status keep in mind Eminem and Green Day both were in similar positions in recent years and didn't take home the trophy.

Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere
Radio V would be hard pressed to think of an album with more pre-release buzz than this Danger Mouse/Cee-Lo collabo generated. Largely off the heat of the stratospheric "Crazy," Gnarls shifted into high gear and were seemingly everywhere with an album no one could attempt to classify. Too ambitious for some, not quite eclectic enough for others, St. Elsewhere was the first true album of the shuffle generation with elements of every genre showing up for better of for worse. While "Crazy" was universally loved, its parent album was a hit-or-miss affair. The Grammys have recurring themes, rewarding ambition is not often one of them.

John Mayer - Continuum
Once you've done a blues record, it's usually not far to Diane Warren power ballads and comeback tours. John Mayer has proven himself both a far more accomplished musician than most would initially have believed, as well as one with an almost unholy understanding of the pop idiom. Continuum proved that his artistic indulgences were merely that, and now he was back to the business of being (as much as he'd probably hate to admit it) a pop star. The record is taut, focused and grown-up without trying too hard to sound it. Considering Mayer's been lauded by Grammy for lesser works, the biggest prize could well be in his grasp.

Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium
They released their debut album in 1983, they've sold 60 million albums worldwide, won MTV's de facto lifetime achievement award, the Video Vanguard and have pretty much owned rock radio since the early 90s. Does that sound like the résumé of a band with only ONE Grammy to their name? The Grammys often use today's ceremony to make up for earlier oversights. Long story short, hang around long enough and Grammy will give you your due. Stadium Arcadium, like most double albums, has its highs and tracks that should have been B-sides at best. That may mean little next to the fact that this is a band, a Hall Of Fame caliber band, that has yet to get its due.

Justin Timberlake - FutureSex/LoveSounds
JT has had more second acts than anyone his age should ever have had. More than anyone since Madonna, JT's continued success blurs the line between artist and star. He has an unquestionable knack for being able to capture the zeitgeist of the moment, the attention of the public and lightning in a bottle. There are rock snobs who will never laud a pop record. That's their prerogative, but Timberlake's second solo album is a triumph of sleek, hyper-produced pop that at once sounds like the best pop songs you've ever heard and a crystal-ball view of a space age pop future that everyone will be aping this time next year. It is what it is though, and it is unabashed pop. Pop has a Grammy category, but rarely takes Grammy's biggest trophies home.

Should Win: Dixie Chicks - Taking The Long Way

Will Win: Red Hot Chili Peppers - Stadium Arcadium

There will be one more Grammy post after the show ends. Then back to new music, Radio V classics and the like.

Grammy Countdown - 2 Days Til Armageddeon

Another day in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.

Tonight, we take a look at the Rock Genre Categories:

Best Rock Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal





Coldplay - Talk
The Fray - How To Save A Life
The Raconteurs - Steady As She Goes
Red Hot Chili Peppers - Dani California
U2 + Green Day - The Saints Are Coming

The Nominees: The Best Rock Duo Or Group With Vocal category is almost completely stocked with guys who've been around the block a few times. The lone exception being The Fray. What troubles me most is how did the band decide that "How To Save A Life" should be submitted as rock while "Over My Head (Cable Car)" fell under pop. They're virtually carbon copies of each other sonically. Of the vets, Coldplay is up for by far the finest moment of their spotty X&Y opus. The Raconteurs, led by White Stripes frontman Jack White find their way to the table with the standout single from the first Jack White album where the words "drum solo" isn't a punchline. Red Hot Chili Peppers should be considered hot favorites as they're the sole nominees here who also appear in the big four categories. That and this record sounds like Californication Deux. U2 and Green Day, on the other hand, account for 25 Grammy wins and 3 of this decade's Record Of The Year winners.

The Breakdown: Count out The Fray, no one who knows rock considers The Fray to be rock, except maybe The Fraymates. Everyone knows the U2 and Green Day song wasn't either's shining moment, but it's friggin U2 and Green Day! Coldplay's a Grammy favorite, but the single and the album from which it came have largely been forgotten. The Raconteurs definitely pumped a shot of adrenaline into the rock world earlier this year and this single was huge. Since then, their record label all but shut down. The Peppers meanwhile have followed the Church Of Latter Day-U2 template perfectly, releasing a single that apes one of their greatest moments with such meticulous reverence that people almost don't realize how self-referential it is.

Should Win: The Raconteurs - "Steady As She Goes"

Will Win: U2 + Green Day "The Saints Are Coming


Best Alternative Album

Arctic Monkeys - Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not

The Flaming Lips - At War With The Mystics

Gnarls Barkley - St. Elsewhere

Yeah Yeah Yeahs - Show Your Bones

Thom Yorke - The Eraser

The Nominees: A quick hand to Karen O., lead singer of Yeah Yeah Yeahs for managing to be the ONLY woman nominated in the rock and alternative fields. Unfortunately, one single deep, the world seemed to lose interest. There was nothing but interest in Arctic Monkeys, strangely enough they delivered the tunes to follow-up on the hype with one of the most talked-and-blogged about (and actually good) debut records in recent memory. The Flaming Lips may be the most revered band to go ignored by the mainstream since The Pixies. That doesn't generally translate into Grammys, just dorm room evangelism. Gnarls Barkley unleashed the most beloved single of the year, while the ensuing album was equally exalted and eviscerated. Thom Yorke, with Beck, Coldplay and The Beasties absent from the category, stands as The Godfather of Alternative and his hotly anticipated "The Eraser," did little more than cement his status with or without Kids B, C, D or E.

The Breakdown: "Girl Power!" notwithstanding, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs don't stand out among the competition here as likely winners. The Arctic Monkeys delivered a great album, but US interest was minimal, can an album that didn't make a mark outside of alternative circles take the prize? The Flaming Lips have been critical darlings for ages. In the absence of a world-beating competitor could they sneak in for a win? Gnarls Barkley have the sales, they have the hit song and they have the big nominations as well for the Album and Record Of The Year prizes as well. This award could be part of a big night for them, or more likely, a consolation prize. Thom Yorke is the form horse, having won this category with Radiohead a couple times, why not again.

Should Win: Arctic Monkeys "Whatever People Say I Am, That's What I'm Not"

Will Win: Gnarls Barkley "St. Elsewhere"

Grammy Countdown - 3 Days Til Armageddeon

Another day in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.

Tonight, we take a look at the Pop Genre Categories

Best Pop Female Vocal Performance

Christina Aguilera "Ain't No Other Man"

Natasha Bedingfield "Unwritten"

Pink "Stupid Girls"

KT Tunstall "Black Horse And The Cherry Tree"

Sheryl Crow "You Can Close Your Eyes"

The Nominees: The Pop Female Vocal categories pits a couple of newcomer Brits up against three veteran American singers. Christina Aguilera is thrice a Grammy winner and has taken home this trophy in the past for "Beautiful." Natasha Bedingfield is a British pop singer who's got enough goods to be in the running and whose "Unwritten" was a massive AC hit this year. The odd woman out is the formidable singer Pink whose tepid single "Stupid Girls" continued her US losing streak and may well be marked as the death rattle for a once-promising talent. KT Tunstall's a singer-songwriter whose husky vocal style vaguely recalls Janis Joplin and one who's had a massive breakthrough this year stateside. While Grammy's favorite daughter, 9-time winner Sheryl Crow won the Best Rock Female Vocal trophy so many times they retired the award. Seriously, it no longer exists.

The Breakdown: Bedingfield and Pink are longshots at best, while Tunstall could prove a potent challenger. You'd have to have a bettor's soul not to put your chips behind Crow or Aguilera though. The tipping point, Aguilera's song was a hit single from an overlooked album. Crow's an album track from a record no one heard.

Should Win: Christina Aguilera "Ain't No Other Man"

Will Win: Christina Aguilera "Ain't No Other Man"

Best Pop Male Vocal Performance

James Blunt - "You're Beautiful"
John Mayer - "Waiting On The World To Change"
Paul McCartney - "Jenny Wren"
Daniel Powter - "Bad Day"
John Legend - "Save Room"

The Nominees: A couple of Legends, a couple newbies and a two-time champion of this particular category tussle here. Even James Blunt's biggest detractor has to realize how big of a record this was and that gives him a good shot to win here. Just because it was overplayed doesn't mean it wasn't great. John Mayer, girlfriend of questionable intellect notwithstanding, is the heavyweight here. Also in the running for the Album Of The Year trophy, Mayer's a triple-Grammy winner and would have to be considered a prohibitive favorite. Paul McCartney is simply Paul McCartney. He's hard to ever count out, even if no one outside of the nominating committee has ever heard "Jenny Wren." Daniel Powter's song was played ad nauseum thanks to AC radio and the American Idol juggernaut. While John Legend's edgy loungey "Save Room" never caught-a-fire, he's the kind of artist Grammy lurrrrrves to the point that they virtually stone him with statuettes.

The Breakdown: The fact that Powter got nominated could all but cancel out the superior Blunt who appeals to a similar audience. John Legend's popular among voters, but this track is a bit obscure which could and should cost him. McCartney's likely got a bloc of vote locked up, but won't be able to expand past that base, yup, the Fogies. While Mayer's chances, for perhaps his best single no less, are diminished because votes that otherwise probably would've gone his way will be split among the other four nominees.

Should Win: James Blunt "You're Beautiful"

Will Win: Paul McCartney "Jenny Wren"

If You Can't Walk And Listen At The Same Time...

You ever say, or in this case, write something that you feel like is begging karma to kick you in the ass? Well, for me this is the post. Tomorrow, if the M20 rolls over a lifeless carcass it'll probably be me.

New Yorkers...hear me now and believe me later...drug laws or not, the people up the Hudson in Albany apparently are smoking all the good shit. Apparently, the "crackheads" upstate have decided that crossing a street while listening to an iPod is SO hazardous that it's worthy of a $100 fine.

State Senator Carl Kruger, in an interview with CBS referred to this condition as "iPod oblivion" and proposed legislation to ban people listening to iPods while crossing the street.

"We are talking about people walking around 'tuned in' and, in the process of being tuned in, being 'tuned out' to the world around them," Senator Kruger told TV station WCBS.

"They are walking into speeding cars. They are walking into buses. They are walking into one another and it is creating a number of fatalities that have been documented right here in New York City," Kruger told WCBS TV.

I have a job where ridiculous ideas are as commonplace as baby-stealing husbands are on the Lifetime Network, but this may be among the STUPIDEST ideas I have ever heard. Because frankly, if you can't cross the street while listening to Shakira at defeaning volumes, that bus might be doing the gene pool a favor.

More so than that, this idiotic attempt at "public safety" legislation is nothing more than a publicity stunt wasting the time and money of our taxpayers while heightening the profile of an otherwise nominally important,- lesser government official representing one of the "outer boroughs" that we keep on as part of New York City.

"How can I make a name for myself, make some noise in this town," I imagine him thinking. "Hmmm, people are ignoring my attempts at campaign-clinching handshakes because they're listening to those blasted iPods...I KNOW! I'll take away their iPods, then they'll love me best," I imagine him cackling with Grinch-like smarm.--
-
The only thing that could rile me up more than the writing of this legislation would be its being passed. Our police should be concerned with murderers and rapists; terrorists and subway turnstile jumpers, not music loving menaces to themselves.

When they took cigarettes away, I said nothing
When they took the trans fats out of my fries, I stayed silent
When they try to keep me from listening to music as I walk the streets of Manhattan, I actually consider MOVING to this guy's district in Brooklyn so I can vote him out of office!

* Writer's note: There is no conclusive evidence that anyone mentioned in this blog, directly or indirectly is actually a user of "crack," or any other illegal substances.

Blogging Advisory

Well, we lost a day of the Grammy update, because frankly, I came home and was exhausted. That said, I plan to make it up to you by getting some more stuff up ASAP.

Grammy Countdown - 5 Days Til Armageddeon

Day three in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.

We've been talking individual categories and for the record we have every intention of covering Album Of The Year before this thing is through, but the Grammys are about far more than the BIG FOUR categories.

There are, in fact, 108 total categories in this year's Grammys, about 99 of which will not be televised. It's much more important to watch David Spade purr at the Pussycat Dolls to "entice" people to watch his new (read: soon to be cancelled) show. Thanks, CBS! Regardless, 108 categories with 5 nominees means there are 540 nominees up for this year's batch of awards. Anyone who ever took a stats class or pregnancy tests bought from a 24 hour drugstore knows the odds of all 540 being right are 0.00000000000000000000147% or for you laymen out there, slim to none.

Consider today's edition of the Grammy countdown a new category: Worst Nomination For a Grammy. And the nominees are:



Janet - 20 Y.O. (Best Contemporary R&B Album) - If this record was one of six albums eligible for this award and one of them was of Vanilla Ice remixes, Rob Van Winkle would be my shoo-in for the fifth slot. It's hard for me to imagine anyone thinking this was one of the Best R&B albums of the year just because I can't see how anyone actually listened to the whole bloody mess. Beats from the half-off bin, and a mumbled coo drone on for about 40 minutes or until you click the "delete" button. Circa Rhythm Nation you couldn't help feeling Janet was the new Michael Jackson. Almost twenty years later, it's a less optimistic déjà vu.



Pussycat Dolls - Stickwitu (Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal) - I'd like to congratulate NARAS for this category's title. The corresponding solo awards are Best Pop Male/Female Vocal Performance meaning that this award in theory has something to do with...what's the word? Oh yes, singing. Having studied copious amounts of Pussycat Dolls tape, (What? I'm dedicated to my craft like Peyton Manning) I don't think I've ever seen so many members of a vocal group who serve no purpose whatsoever. The Pussycat Dolls are great at what they do, I'm just not sure singing should be an important part of the description.



The Black Eyed Peas - My Humps (Best Pop Performance By A Duo Or Group With Vocal) - What was this? No, seriously, what the heck was this? I'll never accuse Stacy "Fergie" Ferguson of not being unable to sing, it's just that this single is a perfect example of what's happened to the Black Eyed Peas. At their worst, as here, they are crying-baby-on-a-14-hour-flight-annoying. For everyone who hates pop music, this song is your anthem. A perfect portrait of the genre at it's most mediocre. Nonsensical pop gibberish that could make everyone who's listened to it a fraction of an IQ point dumber.

Grammy Countdown - 6 Days Til Armageddeon

Day two in a series where Radio V tries (in vain) to predict who will win on Music's Most Overhyped Night®.

The Best New Artist winners vacillate wildly between two extremes: The new artist with the best chance of establishing a prolonged career (see: Carey, Mariah; The Beatles; Crow, Sheryl), and alternately, the best future laughingstock/trivia question (see: Cross, Christopher; Arrested Development; Hootie, Assorted Blowfish).

The only apparent guiding principal, at least since handing the award to Milli Vanilli in 1990, is to go for the authentic article. Big-voiced divas, Six-string slinging singer-songwriters and self-contained bands have split the trophies over most of the last two decades.

Here's how we break down the nominees.

Chris Brown has a great chance at winning...a Kids' Choice Award. Last time I checked Grammy voters weren't 12. There's always the theory that competing contingencies can split the vote allowing for a Marisa Tomei-like "fifth option" to slip through, that won't happen here. Even his distributing company, BMG, has another candidate to split the in-house vote. With his nasal vocals, paint-by-numbers R&B tracks and Michael Jackson-via-Usher-via Darren's Dance Grooves moves, Brown has done well to get this far. If he wins, I would...scratch that, no need to have people vote for him just to make me fulfill some silly bet, but let me put it this way. If you're at a bookie, have $5 and are looking to buy a house the next day, put money down on Chris Brown to win. The odds have to be somewhere around those of Paris Hilton getting hit in the exposed cooch by an errant asteroid.

The least likely winner of the four "serious" candidates is Imogen Heap. That has zero to do with her musical credentials, mind you. Heap records for an independent label (though her album's distributed stateside by BMG), makes electronic music and was last a "new artist" 9 years ago when her first solo album was released. She's got a great backstory, having recorded her entire album alone to not be accused of being any producer's puppet singer, but she's gathered little of the momentum commercially or critically to propel her to the award.



James Blunt, everyone's favorite obsessive-compulsive, stripping Brit has a legitimate shot at winning this, but he reminds Radio V, and probably voters, too much of Marc Cohn. For those not up on their one-hit wonder trivia, Cohn and Blunt are both AC singer-songwriters with one relatively big hit to his name and who have yet to deliver again. In Cohn's case that's been fifteen long years. I covered this territory in my last post, but long story short, Blunt needs a second hit, stat. Even if it happens today, tomorrow, next year, it's too late.



The Delicious diva of Half-Frappes herself, Corinne Bailey Rae is a legitimate threat to take this category. With a vocal style often compared to Billie Holiday and looking young while singing old sounding soul songs, Rae could be compared (easily) to 2003 winner Norah Jones. She's got an album that's a step shy of the stratosphere a la Toni Braxton when she won the title back in 1994. Most importantly, there's a feeling that she can sustain the career she has built without the machinations of the big record industry machine. In an business where profits are getting slashed like the Wal-Mart's smiley's on a rampage, that's a very sexy proposition.

That leaves American Idol Carrie Underwood. Carrie's walked a fine line since winning Idol, and done so admirably. Her "Some Hearts" is the biggest selling album of 2006 AND by any Idol regular since Paula Abdul's "Forever Your Girl." She's managed to win the hearts of Country and Christian radio, and should carry much of the support of the Nashville community on Grammy night. We all know she can really sing, even Cowell thinks so, so there's no risk there. The only question is, will the rank-and-file take her (an Idol) seriously as an artist? Well, last year they rewarded Kelly Clarkson with two trips to stage, and then Taylor Hicks...forget I mentioned him. Aaaaaanyway, she's got the goods, can she get the Grammy?

Should Win: Corinne Bailey Rae
Will Win: Carrie Underwood

Grammy Countdown - 7 Days Til Armageddeon (The Musical)

Here's how Radio V does the Grammys. We see the nominations and groan, "Which pieces of shite have the record labels lobbied into contention for NARAS' televised annual mid-winter circle jerk this year?" Then, we find ourselves making predictions. Then, we scream at the TV dumbfounded when our predictions don't come true and inevitably, a good chunk of them don't. Lastly, we swear off ever watching again, and we ALWAYS make good on that pledge for at least 340 or so days.

None of this horrendous annual experience ever discourages us from reading the nominee list or even watching the ceremony. In fact, the more outlandish the outcome, the more unlikely we are to turn away. The Baha Men ("Who Let The Dogs Out") have won a Grammy, while Bill Clinton ("I Wasn't In That Dog's Mouth") has two.

Over the next few days, a few predictions for who will take home perhaps the coolest doorstops ever. We begin by handicapping Record Of The Year.

Record Of The Year

Be Without You - Mary J. Blige
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae

Well, it's unlucky for anyone headed to Vegas that U2 isn't in the field this year. The Grammys get obsessed with certain artists and essentially pencil them in whenever they're nominated. U2, who I love, mind you, have 22 Grammys including last year's Song and Album, but not Record, Of The Year. TWENTY TWO!!! For frame of reference, please see the below chart:

Michael Jackson - 13 Grammys
The Beatles - 7 Grammys
Madonna - 5 Grammys
The Rolling Stones and Bill Clinton - (TIE) 2 Grammys apiece

Of this year's nominees, Dixie Chicks have "Most Favored Artist" status having won eight times before, but a telling zero trophies in non-Country music categories. Following their well-documented comments regarding President Bush, they've all but forfeited the Nashville vote and should face some tough going as people just didn't really hear the song.

You could say the same for Corinne Bailey Rae, most people haven't really heard her record, but she's had tons of buzz among music insiders since the single broke in the UK. Enough to win Record Of The Year though, doubtful.

James Blunt is in the enviable position of being nominated for Song and Record Of The Year. Often, the voters, much like the fans, can't tell the difference between the two categories and give both to the same song...er, record. Anyway, as ubiquitous as this track was, none of Blunt's follow-up singles caught fire. That definitely led to some James Blunt-fatigue and suspicion that the stripping Brit was a one hit wonder. The Grammys want above all else to remain credible, which is why they took Milli Vanilli's Grammy back in lieu of awarding it to the production team and vocalists who made "their" 6-million selling album. He's had almost a year since that sublime four minutes. In short, he's squandered that momentum and his chance at Grammy gold.

Gnarls Barkley's nomination is the one that makes everyone who loves current music smile. There's no hint of patronage, no maudlin lyrics, no sense that this win would be perfectly acceptable to the elderly wing of the establishment. But that's what will kill them. As great a song as "Crazy" is, as much as it's the universal choice of the Blogosphere is as difficult of a time this track will have winning Record Of The Year. Remember that Grammy voters are largely well into their Social Security-collecting years and believe men who wear diapers in publicity shots should be competing in the Traditional Pop category with Tony Bennett and Michael Bublé.

Mary J. Blige was nominated for "Be Without You," which may or may not be her strongest recorded moment. (Remember, this woman has 15 years of them despite her poorly compiled Greatest Hits record.) Even more tellingly, she's got eight nominations in this year's ceremony. The most compelling evidence is history. This the kind of recording NARAS and the Grammys love to award. A good, maybe even very good performance by a veteran artist who's been largely overlooked (Blige has three Grammys) despite a stellar career. The best case for a Grammy isn't a brilliant four minutes, but rather a decade-long body of top-level work. Plus, she duetted with U2 last year.














Should Win: Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
Will Win: Mary J. Blige "Be Without You"