Here's how Radio V does the Grammys. We see the nominations and groan, "Which pieces of shite have the record labels lobbied into contention for NARAS' televised annual mid-winter circle jerk this year?" Then, we find ourselves making predictions. Then, we scream at the TV dumbfounded when our predictions don't come true and inevitably, a good chunk of them don't. Lastly, we swear off ever watching again, and we ALWAYS make good on that pledge for at least 340 or so days.
None of this horrendous annual experience ever discourages us from reading the nominee list or even watching the ceremony. In fact, the more outlandish the outcome, the more unlikely we are to turn away. The Baha Men ("Who Let The Dogs Out") have won a Grammy, while Bill Clinton ("I Wasn't In That Dog's Mouth") has two.
Over the next few days, a few predictions for who will take home perhaps the coolest doorstops ever. We begin by handicapping Record Of The Year.
Record Of The Year
Be Without You - Mary J. Blige
You're Beautiful - James Blunt
Not Ready To Make Nice - Dixie Chicks
Crazy - Gnarls Barkley
Put Your Records On - Corinne Bailey Rae
Well, it's unlucky for anyone headed to Vegas that U2 isn't in the field this year. The Grammys get obsessed with certain artists and essentially pencil them in whenever they're nominated. U2, who I love, mind you, have 22 Grammys including last year's Song and Album, but not Record, Of The Year. TWENTY TWO!!! For frame of reference, please see the below chart:
Michael Jackson - 13 Grammys
The Beatles - 7 Grammys
Madonna - 5 Grammys
The Rolling Stones and Bill Clinton - (TIE) 2 Grammys apiece
Of this year's nominees, Dixie Chicks have "Most Favored Artist" status having won eight times before, but a telling zero trophies in non-Country music categories. Following their well-documented comments regarding President Bush, they've all but forfeited the Nashville vote and should face some tough going as people just didn't really hear the song.
You could say the same for Corinne Bailey Rae, most people haven't really heard her record, but she's had tons of buzz among music insiders since the single broke in the UK. Enough to win Record Of The Year though, doubtful.
James Blunt is in the enviable position of being nominated for Song and Record Of The Year. Often, the voters, much like the fans, can't tell the difference between the two categories and give both to the same song...er, record. Anyway, as ubiquitous as this track was, none of Blunt's follow-up singles caught fire. That definitely led to some James Blunt-fatigue and suspicion that the stripping Brit was a one hit wonder. The Grammys want above all else to remain credible, which is why they took Milli Vanilli's Grammy back in lieu of awarding it to the production team and vocalists who made "their" 6-million selling album. He's had almost a year since that sublime four minutes. In short, he's squandered that momentum and his chance at Grammy gold.
Gnarls Barkley's nomination is the one that makes everyone who loves current music smile. There's no hint of patronage, no maudlin lyrics, no sense that this win would be perfectly acceptable to the elderly wing of the establishment. But that's what will kill them. As great a song as "Crazy" is, as much as it's the universal choice of the Blogosphere is as difficult of a time this track will have winning Record Of The Year. Remember that Grammy voters are largely well into their Social Security-collecting years and believe men who wear diapers in publicity shots should be competing in the Traditional Pop category with Tony Bennett and Michael Bublé.
Mary J. Blige was nominated for "Be Without You," which may or may not be her strongest recorded moment. (Remember, this woman has 15 years of them despite her poorly compiled Greatest Hits record.) Even more tellingly, she's got eight nominations in this year's ceremony. The most compelling evidence is history. This the kind of recording NARAS and the Grammys love to award. A good, maybe even very good performance by a veteran artist who's been largely overlooked (Blige has three Grammys) despite a stellar career. The best case for a Grammy isn't a brilliant four minutes, but rather a decade-long body of top-level work. Plus, she duetted with U2 last year.
Should Win: Gnarls Barkley "Crazy"
Will Win: Mary J. Blige "Be Without You"
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